Smoking = Bad

"Philip Morris told to pay $8 million in smoker's death"

This is the headline I read this morning. The article reads, "A Florida court has ordered US tobacco giant Philip Morris to pay eight million dollars to the widow of a lung cancer victim, in a case that could set a precedent for 8,000 similar trials in the southern state."

I'm sorry, am I missing something here? Did Philip Morris thugs tackle this woman's husband to the ground, throw him into a van with dark tinted windows and force him to smoke pack after pack of Marlboros... for forty years? Because only then would this lawsuit make any sense.

Since the 1800's people have known of the dangers of tobacco. So it should come as no great shock to anyone that SMOKING IS BAD FOR YOU and that if you smoke, especially three packs of cigarettes a day, you run a HUGE risk of developing lung cancer.

• Warning: The Surgeon General Has Determined that Cigarette Smoking is Dangerous to Your Health (1970-1985)
• SURGEON GENERAL'S WARNING: Smoking Causes Lung Cancer, Heart Disease, Emphysema, And May Complicate Pregnancy. (1985-)
• SURGEON GENERAL'S WARNING: Quitting Smoking Now Greatly Reduces Serious Risks to Your Health. (1985-)
• SURGEON GENERAL'S WARNING: Smoking By Pregnant Women May Result in Fetal Injury, Premature Birth, And Low Birth Weight. (1985-)
• SURGEON GENERAL'S WARNING: Cigarette Smoke Contains Carbon Monoxide. (1985-)

The warning signs were there, quite literally, spelled out in plain English... not Sanskrit or Aramaic. English!

Here's what I think about this lawsuit - Suing the tobacco company because you got cancer from something they flat out told you you were going to get cancer from is like suing Trojan cause you couldn't conceive while using their condoms. It is asinine and frankly in the middle of an economic crisis I can think of far better ways to redistribute corporate wealth than into the hands of idiots.

Philip Morris on Smoking & Health Issues

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Lung cancer is the most common cause of cancer-related death in men and the second most common in women. It is responsible for 1.3 million deaths worldwide annually and 87% of all lung cancer is smoking related. No one should ever have to watch a loved one suffer from cancer, especially if it could be prevented. Our time on this earth is short so please make healthy decisions. Take care of your bodies. Your family and friends need you.

Rubber Ducky Isn't So Fun Afterall

"Hasbro, home to the My Little Pony brand, had no comment..."

Oh my goodness, I wondered as I half-consciously listened to NPR early this morning. What could they have responded with 'no comment' to? Was the CEO laundering money? Were they smuggling drugs in Monopoly boxes?! What?? What horrifying despicable acts were they up to, those corporate mongers, those ne'er do wells!!

My interest was peaked. I listened further.

Turns out that Hasbro and other companies were refusing to disclose which chemicals they used to make their plastics softer, despite the growing concern of carcinogens by parents across the US.

Ahh, that magic buzz word, "carcinogens". Whatever did we do before the discovery of carcinogens? More importantly whatever did we do before the discovery of the effects of carcinogens... in lab rats. The newest member of the carcinogen family? Phthalates. Studies have shown that high doses of phthalates can cause reproductive problems in rodents.

If only my parents had known. All of that time wasted trying to dissuade me from getting into cars with strangers, doing drugs, swimming right after eating... what they really should have focused on was carcinogens. They were everywhere apparently. The paint in our house. My #2 pencils. Even my cute and yellow and chubby rubber ducky. Sure I was fond of him, heck he made bathtime lots of fun. Unbeknownst to me, everytime I made my way to the tubby, I was walking into a death trap.

And yet, here I sit, cancer-free. A miracle, I know. How did I manage to cheat death you ask? Maybe because I didn't eat my rubby ducky, I just bathed with it.

Anytime you read that X product has been known to cause cancer in rats, know that they are exposing these rats to a ridiculously high level of the stuff. And let me give you a quick lesson on lab rats. Lab rats are great for testing out initial drugs and therapies because they are a decent indicator -- I use the word "decent" loosely -- of how humans will respond to those same drugs and therapies. However results are rarely 100% reproducible in humans. Why? Because, surprise surprise, humans are different from rodents. Not a valid comparison.

So let your kids play with all of the phthalate based toys they want to. You can rest easy. In a few short years they'll be moving on to small communication devices that emit microwave radiation, more commonly known as the cellular phone.

Sayings Revealed

The world is your oyster!

Really? That's great! At least it would be if I ate oysters, but I don't. In fact, I don't even like oysters. If the world became my oyster, that would be akin to saying I now live in my own personal hell. I'd rather the world be my steak. Or chocolate chip cookie... Where did that saying come from anyways? Who do we have to blame for this fatuitous proverb?

None other than the late, great William Shakespeare. From 'The Merry Wives of Windsor' (1600).

Falstaff: I will not lend thee a penny.
Pistol: Why, then, the world's mine oyster, Which I with sword will open.'

I wonder how many of us knew that, "The world is your oyster." was code for, "If someone doesn't give it to you, then take it by brute force." Certainly not I.

But duly noted, Willy. Duly noted.


Short end of the stick...

Question for you. Which end of the stick is the short end? By definition, can there be a short end or long end of a stick which is uniform in nature? Yeah... I didn't think so either.

But in fact there is slightly more to this saying. It is speculated that the phrase "short end of the stick" refers to an old fashioned method for carrying large objects, where a long stick is inserted through ropes or cords wrapped around the object and two people carry the object together. If the load is off-center a disproportionate burden is placed on the person with the... "short end of the stick".

Hmm... This one actually makes sense.

Don't look a gift horse in the mouth!

A little background on the meaning of this saying: When horses age their teeth begin to project further forward each year and so their age can be estimated by checking how prominent the teeth are.

This proverb means that when given a present, don't question the value of it. After all its free.

So, if you get a horse for free don't look at its teeth to see how old it is. Just blindly invest in a stable, food, hay, vet bills... Oh and get emotionally attached hoping that your "gift" isn't knocking on death's door.

See where I'm going with this? Now, I'm not saying to look at the horse's teeth in front of the person who gave it to you. That would be plain rude. But when they leave it might be wise to take a gander, just to see what you're working with. Then if teeth are a little more prominent than you'd like, put a bow on that sucker and hand it off.

Swingers

Watch kids when they're sitting on a stool or chair. They love dangling their feet, swinging them every which way, with careless abandon. Whenever I see that it makes me smile. Why? Because I am reminded of a simpler time, dare I say a better time... before I discovered foot rests.

I was meeting a friend for dinner last week at the Mexican Subway, aka Chipotle, and he was running late so I decided to go in and wait for him. I picked a table next to the window for better visibility and sat on the stool. Instinctively I ran my feet along the pole in search of a place to rest my them.

Nothing! Panic set in. Why was there no where to put my feet?! Had Chipotle, on the journey to greatness overlooked this one tiny yet instrumental detail in the design of their establishment? I looked down in disbelieve, and then I saw it. The foot rest was on the table.

Phew! That was a close call.

Have you ever had to sit for a long time without a place to rest your feet? Its torture. There's something unsettling about dangling feet for an adult. I don't know why, but there just is. Somewhere along the path to adulthood we lost our ability to simultaneously eat and swing our feet. I am writing this to remind you that this was not always the case.

So the next time you find yourself in a situation where there is no place to rest your feet, remember the younger more free-spirited you... The you before runner's knee and a torn meniscus, and then find someplace else to sit.


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