Halloween and the Facts of Life

Every Halloween I look forward to handing out candy to the little ones. Why? Because I want these kids to look back fondly on their Halloween days as I do and remember the night they lived like kings, with more candy than they could possibly know what to do with. What a great tradition. For one night and one night only, it is not just okay to take candy from strangers, but celebrated.

As I was handing out candy this evening however, one thing soon became very apparent... These were not the kids of yesteryear. I'd like to preface this story by saying that my candy dealings were on the up and up. I was doling out the good stuff. The 80s weren't so long ago that I'd forgotten about the cheapskates who weighed down my bag with their off-brand or non-chocolatey treats leaving me and my brother to have to sort through and remove them at the end of the night. Seriously folks, does anyone like Tootsie Rolls? Not I. And so I was handing out all of the greats: Twix, Reeses, Kit-Kats and Snickers.

Nevermind the notable absence of obligatory "Trick or Treats" or subsequent thank yous, there was a new manners monster afoot. These little trick-or-treaters were asking to choose their own candy.

Did something change in the last 30 years and I not hear about it? Choosing your candy?! What the--?

Absolutely not. This kind of behavior, I refused to indulge. Sure, Halloween is supposed to be fun. You get to play dress up. You get to run around with your friends after school and get free candy. Its awesome. The old adage says, "There's no such thing as a free lunch" but Halloween challenges that and not only do you get a free lunch, but its a lunch made up entirely of candy. How sweet is that? No pun intended. The caveat is that you don't get to choose the candy.

Enter the life lesson which is Halloween... In life you will have good things happen to you AND you will have bad things happen to you. Unfortunately you don't get to choose. You take the good, you take the bad, you take them both and there you have The Facts of Life (I totally just made that up). The only difference is that on Halloween, at the end of the night, you get to remove all of bad and give it to your mom to take to work the next day.

For the most part, the kids who attempted to change my decision simply left my stoop feeling a little defeated. One young trick-or-treater however wasn't giving up that easily. As I didn't have the time to explain the valuable life lesson which was Halloween, here's how it went down instead:

I dropped a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup into the kid's bag. 

Kid: I don't want that candy.
Me: Well sweetie, you can't choose. That's what you get.
Kid: Well I don't want it.
Me: Okay then give it back.

The kid hands the piece of candy back to me and then stands there and looks at me. I put it back in my container and then look at him back. It seems we'd reached an impasse. He looks at him mom. She shrugs and then not wishing to stand there awkwardly any longer, they turn and walk off.

Moral of the story You take what you get and say thank you, or you get nothing at all. And that my friends is Halloween and the Facts of Life.