One of my best friends and I were talking about kids and how they ask really annoying questions like, "Why is the sky blue?" And then when you answer with what you think to be the easiest and least disputable answer, "Because God made it so," what do you get in response?
"Why?"
"Cause God made everything."
"Why?"
"Cause he likes making things."
"Why?"
"He's good with his hands."
"Why?"
"Cause he went to a good trade school."
Why?
Then the inevitable happens. You say what every adult is NOT supposed to say to an inquisitive mind.
"Because... I... say so!! No more whys."
My friend gave me a better solution to avoiding this whole question asking tennis match. If you don't want kids bugging you with their asinine questions, then why not just answer the question?
"Why is the sky blue?"
"Well little Wilber, I'm glad you asked that. The blue color of the sky is due to Rayleigh scattering. As light moves through the atmosphere, most of the longer wavelengths pass straight through. Little of the red, orange and yellow light is affected by the air, cause as you may or may not already know those colors aren't absorbed by the gas molecues in air. However, much of the shorter wavelength light is absorbed by the gas molecules. The absorbed blue light is then radiated in different directions. It gets scattered all around the sky, hence, the blue. "
And then for added effect, after you've given this speech, smile at the kid smugly, daring him with your eyes, to ask you "Why?" Go on ahead kid. TRY me.
The average child will know when he's lost the "Why" game and gracefully bow out. Only the brazen ones will challenge you. For them, its time to play hardball. Physics practice problems. I'm talking vectors, the speed of wave equation, make them memorize the speed of light, the works! See how long they can stand doing work when their peers are outside livin' the high life.
If at that point you still can't kill the kid's spirit, you may have bite the bullet and actually "teach" them things, real things. Scary thought, I know, especially since I for one do not really know much about anything of relevance. And the things I do know I don't know in much detail.
You could do the right thing and help foster an interactive fun environment of learning... Or, you can sit them in front of the TV and hope they forget their question. Maybe its the engineer in me, but I for one vote for the former.
**************************
This blog post is dedicated to AH. Thanks for being my voice of... what's the opposite of reason?
Monday, January 26, 2009
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Takes one to know one!!
Remember this?
"You're an idiot!!"
"Oh yeah????" Think Kara think... I got it! "Takes one to know one!!"
What?
How did that make it into the mainstream as a comeback? I ask you. You're essentially saying with this come back, "Yes, I certainly am an idiot. And so are you. We're BOTH idiots, HAH!!" And I feel like that's not quite the point I wanted to make during a heated playground tiff. What I would have liked to say was something along the lines of, "No, YOU'RE the idiot." Maybe not in those exact words.
Who taught me that, I want to know. And why did I accept that as the status quo? That wasn't supposed to rhyme... Anyways, I'm a little upset. I feel like I really wore that phrase out as a child and I wish someone, anyone, would have helped me see the light.
How many times had I admitted to being an idiot, a fat pig, a four-eyed freak, a smelly dork, a loser, an ugly fugly... whatever that is... Me. That's what it was. Cause I owned up to it. I stood before my peers, opened my mouth and said, "I'd just like everyone to know, that I am an ugly fugly.
*GASP*
"But its okay, cause that guy's an ugly fugly too."
"You're an idiot!!"
"Oh yeah????" Think Kara think... I got it! "Takes one to know one!!"
What?
How did that make it into the mainstream as a comeback? I ask you. You're essentially saying with this come back, "Yes, I certainly am an idiot. And so are you. We're BOTH idiots, HAH!!" And I feel like that's not quite the point I wanted to make during a heated playground tiff. What I would have liked to say was something along the lines of, "No, YOU'RE the idiot." Maybe not in those exact words.
Who taught me that, I want to know. And why did I accept that as the status quo? That wasn't supposed to rhyme... Anyways, I'm a little upset. I feel like I really wore that phrase out as a child and I wish someone, anyone, would have helped me see the light.
How many times had I admitted to being an idiot, a fat pig, a four-eyed freak, a smelly dork, a loser, an ugly fugly... whatever that is... Me. That's what it was. Cause I owned up to it. I stood before my peers, opened my mouth and said, "I'd just like everyone to know, that I am an ugly fugly.
*GASP*
"But its okay, cause that guy's an ugly fugly too."
Buck Naked vs Butt Naked
I used to think I was pretty well educated, with an IQ almost at the genius level, but when approached and asked which was the proper phrase, "buck naked" or "butt naked" I suddenly realized I still had much to learn. So I turned to my dear friend Wikipedia, the online encylopedia, for guidance and enlightenment:
Dating from the 1920's the expression buck naked commonly means completely or totally naked or without a "stitch" (as opposed to partially naked). Synonyms include "bare naked", "buck-arse naked", and "butt naked" (also spelled, facetiously, "butt nekkid"). In the South, "buck naked" or "butt naked" means not in your house, out looking for trouble on Saturday night and wearing no clothes.
So, even though it originated as buck naked, apparently both buck naked and butt naked are acceptable.
I hope that clears up the confusion...
Dating from the 1920's the expression buck naked commonly means completely or totally naked or without a "stitch" (as opposed to partially naked). Synonyms include "bare naked", "buck-arse naked", and "butt naked" (also spelled, facetiously, "butt nekkid"). In the South, "buck naked" or "butt naked" means not in your house, out looking for trouble on Saturday night and wearing no clothes.
So, even though it originated as buck naked, apparently both buck naked and butt naked are acceptable.
I hope that clears up the confusion...
How much wood you ask?
How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
"While it makes for a great tongue-twister, the sad answer is: probably none. Woodchucks aren't particularly tree-oriented, and while they can climb to find food, they prefer being on the ground. In fact, they got the name "woodchuck" from British trappers who couldn't quite wrap their tongues around the Cree Indian name "wuhak."
More commonly (and accurately) known as groundhogs, these animals are closely related to squirrels, marmots, and prairie dogs, with which they share an affinity for burrowing. And actually, a burrowing woodchuck can chuck dirt, in the form of tunnels that can reach five feet deep and as much as 35 feet in length.
So, based on that number, New York State wildlife expert Richard Thomas calculated that if a woodchuck could chuck wood, he could chuck as much as 700 pounds of the stuff."
Which eight year old would have known that?!
Saturday, January 17, 2009
The Dating Game
If you're ever at a party and its getting a little dull, one surefire way to peak everyone's interest is to yell out "Hey guys wanna play a game?!"
The response? "Hell yes!" Why? Because games are fun. A good game can forge lifelong friendships between strangers. Who cares about surrounding yourself with people who share your values and have similar likes and dislikes. Very overrated. What I need is someone who can correctly interpret my frantic scribblings in a heated game of Pictionary! I need someone who knows how to catch my phrase! And I especially need someone who knows that there is no musical called "Fiddler on a Hot Tin Roof", lest we have another repeat of the Scene It Fiasco of '08... Deborah.
Still it was fun. Why? Because it was a game. No hard feelings. No resentment. No loss of self-esteem. Everyone could rest easy. I would not be bringing "baggage" to the next trivia game night.
Another kind of game is sports. Take soccer for example. I love soccer. I've played since I was eight. Over the years I've grown taller, stronger, faster, better. Of course so did everyone else, hence why I'm in business school and not playing professionally. Still, I continue to play for recreation because its fun. I love the rush I get from winning. And though it could be pretty devastating to lose, it was never so devastating that a "suicide" soda and chili cheese fries from the snack stand couldn't rectify. Or now, a cold beer.
And after I lose a match I never think to myself, "I never want to touch another soccer ball as long as I live! I hate soccer!! Why is soccer so darn hard to figure out?! What am I doing wrong?"
Which brings me to another so-called "game", The Dating Game. The Dating Game as far as I can tell really isn't a game at all. Games have rules. Maybe the dating game has rules, and I just don't know them. In which case, where is our governing body?? There's the National Football League and the National Basketball Association. Where's the National Dating Association?! I need rules. Instead I get nothing. No coach. No ref. No halftime huddle. No cool jersey with my last name on the back. And to add insult to injury, I don't even get a snack and Capris Sun at the end of it all. I just go home. Defeated, bitter, and all the more confused.
So if not a game, how could we describe this enigmatic world of dating? Enigma...conundrum... mystery... Eureka!!
"The Dating Puzzle"
Puzzles are a kind of game, right? They're somewhat fun to do, at least initially. And much like dating, a puzzle really has no rules except to start with the edges first, then the sides and then work your way to the middle hoping that it gets easier along the way. What's annoying is when you think you're getting close to finishing and you realize you're missing pieces or there are random pieces from from a different puzzle mixed in.
Many a puzzle has been started but never finished, because of some of reasons some mentioned above. Missing pieces, lack of time... Or the actual puzzle wasn't quite looking like the picture on the box, so you moved on. And ever notice that you'll rarely go back to complete a puzzle you started years before. Even if you tried to gently place completed sections back into the box, they always come apart and you still feel like you're starting from scratch.
But if you've got all of the pieces, help from your family and friends, time to devote, and you're willing to walk away and come back with fresh eyes and a better attitude, you can enjoy that sense of fulfillment/relief one only gets from completing a puzzle with many little pieces.
I know what you're thinking:
TA DAA!!! Its the picture on the box!! No great surprise there, I know.
But that's how dating is. Hopefully most of us already know what a good relationship looks like. We're just waiting for it to look like the picture on the box.
The response? "Hell yes!" Why? Because games are fun. A good game can forge lifelong friendships between strangers. Who cares about surrounding yourself with people who share your values and have similar likes and dislikes. Very overrated. What I need is someone who can correctly interpret my frantic scribblings in a heated game of Pictionary! I need someone who knows how to catch my phrase! And I especially need someone who knows that there is no musical called "Fiddler on a Hot Tin Roof", lest we have another repeat of the Scene It Fiasco of '08... Deborah.
Still it was fun. Why? Because it was a game. No hard feelings. No resentment. No loss of self-esteem. Everyone could rest easy. I would not be bringing "baggage" to the next trivia game night.
Another kind of game is sports. Take soccer for example. I love soccer. I've played since I was eight. Over the years I've grown taller, stronger, faster, better. Of course so did everyone else, hence why I'm in business school and not playing professionally. Still, I continue to play for recreation because its fun. I love the rush I get from winning. And though it could be pretty devastating to lose, it was never so devastating that a "suicide" soda and chili cheese fries from the snack stand couldn't rectify. Or now, a cold beer.
And after I lose a match I never think to myself, "I never want to touch another soccer ball as long as I live! I hate soccer!! Why is soccer so darn hard to figure out?! What am I doing wrong?"
Which brings me to another so-called "game", The Dating Game. The Dating Game as far as I can tell really isn't a game at all. Games have rules. Maybe the dating game has rules, and I just don't know them. In which case, where is our governing body?? There's the National Football League and the National Basketball Association. Where's the National Dating Association?! I need rules. Instead I get nothing. No coach. No ref. No halftime huddle. No cool jersey with my last name on the back. And to add insult to injury, I don't even get a snack and Capris Sun at the end of it all. I just go home. Defeated, bitter, and all the more confused.
So if not a game, how could we describe this enigmatic world of dating? Enigma...conundrum... mystery... Eureka!!
"The Dating Puzzle"
Puzzles are a kind of game, right? They're somewhat fun to do, at least initially. And much like dating, a puzzle really has no rules except to start with the edges first, then the sides and then work your way to the middle hoping that it gets easier along the way. What's annoying is when you think you're getting close to finishing and you realize you're missing pieces or there are random pieces from from a different puzzle mixed in.
Many a puzzle has been started but never finished, because of some of reasons some mentioned above. Missing pieces, lack of time... Or the actual puzzle wasn't quite looking like the picture on the box, so you moved on. And ever notice that you'll rarely go back to complete a puzzle you started years before. Even if you tried to gently place completed sections back into the box, they always come apart and you still feel like you're starting from scratch.
But if you've got all of the pieces, help from your family and friends, time to devote, and you're willing to walk away and come back with fresh eyes and a better attitude, you can enjoy that sense of fulfillment/relief one only gets from completing a puzzle with many little pieces.
I know what you're thinking:
TA DAA!!! Its the picture on the box!! No great surprise there, I know.
But that's how dating is. Hopefully most of us already know what a good relationship looks like. We're just waiting for it to look like the picture on the box.
Monday, January 5, 2009
Bedbugs... Don't let them bite YOU!
"Night Night - Sleep Tight
Don't Let the Bedbugs Bite!!"
First off, if I'm not mistaken, let means allow. And I don't think I would ever allow a bug -- bed or otherwise -- to bite me assuming I had a choice. Secondly, how in the hell do you expect me to sleep tight when you've just alerted me to the fact that I have bugs in my bed?
As a kid I remember hearing this sleepytime rhyme and thinking, how cute. Friendly little bedbugs that slept alongside me through the night. All I needed to do was make sure I didn't "let" them bite me. Easy enough. I assumed these bedbugs were rational. I could probably level with them. I'd let them sleep in my bed as long as they didn't bite me. Deal?
It wasn't until I was older I learned the harsh truth. Bedbugs were not rational, nor would they sleep alongside me. I'd sleep. They'd latched onto my skin and feed on my blood. Bedbugs were not my friends. Mind you, I've never been exposed to them, at least not that I'm aware of... There was that period when I studied abroad in London and lived in a dorm with very questionable sleeping accommodations, but even then I don't think there were bedbugs.
Back to the rhyme. Tiny blood thirsty bugs in my bed and I'm supposed to not let them bite me. I couldn't step outside of my apartment this summer without being attacked by North Carolina mosquitoes, and this was while I was awake. Asleep, I stand no chance. I don't really do much when I'm sleeping except for snore and occasionally sleep talk. Could I annoy them with my snoring? Trick them into thinking I was awake with my nonsensical babblings?
What could one do to keep from being bitten by bedbugs? I did some research and here's what I found:
Apparently bedbugs don't like light. So if you have a light source quickly accessible from your bed, turn it on at about an hour before dawn. This is usually the time when bedbugs are most active. When you do this, they will scatter. Oh and this can't be any old light source, say a lamp, normally accessible from a bed. No no my friend, you'll need a flashlight or a torch. So, dust off your old torch -- should be in storage next to your pitchfork -- and get ready to catch some bedbugs! As they scatter grab a dust pan and brush (also kept next to the bed), and sweep the bugs into the pan, THEN immediately sweep them into a cup or mug full of water (also kept next to your bed?) where the bugs will drown quickly. Dispose of the water down the sink or toilet. Disinfect the mattress, skirting boards and so on regularly.
OR
If you live in the 21st century, DDT will also do the trick. I tried to think of a way to update the rhyme given this new information:
"Night Night - Sleep Tight
Find Your Torch Light
Don't Let the Bedbugs Bite!!"
But I'm not quite sure how I feel about small children armed with torches... Its just that I couldn't think of anything that rhymed with Dichloro-Diphenyl-Trichloroethane.
Don't Let the Bedbugs Bite!!"
First off, if I'm not mistaken, let means allow. And I don't think I would ever allow a bug -- bed or otherwise -- to bite me assuming I had a choice. Secondly, how in the hell do you expect me to sleep tight when you've just alerted me to the fact that I have bugs in my bed?
As a kid I remember hearing this sleepytime rhyme and thinking, how cute. Friendly little bedbugs that slept alongside me through the night. All I needed to do was make sure I didn't "let" them bite me. Easy enough. I assumed these bedbugs were rational. I could probably level with them. I'd let them sleep in my bed as long as they didn't bite me. Deal?
It wasn't until I was older I learned the harsh truth. Bedbugs were not rational, nor would they sleep alongside me. I'd sleep. They'd latched onto my skin and feed on my blood. Bedbugs were not my friends. Mind you, I've never been exposed to them, at least not that I'm aware of... There was that period when I studied abroad in London and lived in a dorm with very questionable sleeping accommodations, but even then I don't think there were bedbugs.
Back to the rhyme. Tiny blood thirsty bugs in my bed and I'm supposed to not let them bite me. I couldn't step outside of my apartment this summer without being attacked by North Carolina mosquitoes, and this was while I was awake. Asleep, I stand no chance. I don't really do much when I'm sleeping except for snore and occasionally sleep talk. Could I annoy them with my snoring? Trick them into thinking I was awake with my nonsensical babblings?
What could one do to keep from being bitten by bedbugs? I did some research and here's what I found:
Apparently bedbugs don't like light. So if you have a light source quickly accessible from your bed, turn it on at about an hour before dawn. This is usually the time when bedbugs are most active. When you do this, they will scatter. Oh and this can't be any old light source, say a lamp, normally accessible from a bed. No no my friend, you'll need a flashlight or a torch. So, dust off your old torch -- should be in storage next to your pitchfork -- and get ready to catch some bedbugs! As they scatter grab a dust pan and brush (also kept next to the bed), and sweep the bugs into the pan, THEN immediately sweep them into a cup or mug full of water (also kept next to your bed?) where the bugs will drown quickly. Dispose of the water down the sink or toilet. Disinfect the mattress, skirting boards and so on regularly.
OR
If you live in the 21st century, DDT will also do the trick. I tried to think of a way to update the rhyme given this new information:
"Night Night - Sleep Tight
Find Your Torch Light
Don't Let the Bedbugs Bite!!"
But I'm not quite sure how I feel about small children armed with torches... Its just that I couldn't think of anything that rhymed with Dichloro-Diphenyl-Trichloroethane.
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