Office Assistant

Why the heck does the Microsoft Office paper clip assistant look so skeevy? It seems like the only two default options are that pervy paper clip and a cute innocent puppy. And what does a puppy know?

But seriously, have you ever looked at that paper clip, with his slimy grin and large eyelids, just sitting at the bottom corner of your document pretending to be looking at your work. And you know as soon as you start typing he shifts his easily shiftable eyes to leer at you. Like a guy in a bar... after you've already told him that you're fine and don't want a drink he moves off into a corner and watches... just waiting for his big break, when you'll make some false move, say, you stumble or something there he is, "Hey, are you okay? Do you need another drink?" No I don't want a drink, I told you that when you first asked me.

Or in the paper clip's case, "It looks like you're writing a letter! Would you like help?" No I don't need your help writing my letter.

Maybe if you were taller, better looking and not so sketchy I'd gladly accept your help, but as it stands, not a chance. You make me uncomfortable. I didn't go through damn near 20 years of schooling only to have someone like YOU offer to help me write a letter. I'd like to think I could do better. Try that girl over there. She looks like she'd be willing to let any old random person help her with her letter writing.

At this point I usually decide I've had enough and promptly click on "hide assistant". And what does this pesky paper clip do? Winks at me. Winks! As if to say, "Alright sweet thang, but you'll be back. They always come back."

Oh I'll be back alright... only next time I'm picking the puppy.